Spencer Pratt Is The Only Person Who Matters On Snapchat

Spencer Pratt will do anything to be famous again and was an awful person who did terrible things on purpose for the early-mid 2000s*. And I keep this in mind when I wake up 10 minutes early every morning to watch his snapstory. I. Am. Obsessed.

About a month ago, Snapchat gave their users the finger changed their design so that influencers and branded content are center stage. Since my friends and the influencers I follow started posting almost exclusively on Instagram stories. My feed has a tumbleweed going across it.**

My addiction to content still needs to get fed, so I've started watching more of the "popular stories." I clicked on Spencer Pratt's thinking it would be vapid, mean-spirited, and that I would hate it. What I found was a story that is funny, endearing, and that I loved. It's reminiscent of what DJ Khaled's stories used to be. There's a routine, inside jokes, and a soundtrack.  

It starts with feeding the hummingbirds with his hand feeder. The Pratts feed 100s of hummers daily. The videos are breathtaking. They trust him and land to drink the nectar. He names them and calls for them to come back when they fly off. I got invested fast. I felt the triumphs (Robin Hood landing on his finger for the first time) and the frustrations (Tiki getting bullied by Robin Hood) with Spencer. It's obvious this is a passion.

The first day I watched, we were in the middle of crisis mode. Leggy might have had avian pox and could infect the other birds. Spencer was frantic. He pled for everyone to reach out to hummingbird experts on his behalf. His concern about the health of the birds they take care of was clear. The next few days were a rollercoaster - different experts had different opinions. Eventually, it got confirmed that Leggy has a deformed leg. He was healthy, but couldn't land on Spencer when he fed him.

After feeding the hummers, Spencer drinks espresso. He'll have 2 espresso shots in the morning then another one in the afternoon. Each shot snap is accompanied by Taylor Swift songs. He shoulder shimmies to "Look What You Made Me Do" or sways to "Delicate."  I relate to this on a spiritual level. Also, I appreciate his love for the reputation album. He's such a big Taylor fan that he got sent one of the special VIP boxes and I've NEVER seen a grown man so excited.

Because Spencer and his wife Heidi (Speidi) haven't been relevant since 2010, he sells crystals now. It's the least surprising thing I've ever heard. It makes sense. Of course, he's selling crystals at PrattDaddyCrystals.com ***. I don't get crystals, but his excitement when he gets a new shipment is something else. He goes on, in depth, about each one. I don't believe in their powers but I want one.  

Having a baby has been good for Speidi. Sure, they still have floor-to-ceiling close up portraits of their faces in their living room. And they are pushing him to be a child star. But Gunner Pratt has added a level of depth to their personalities. There's no nanny, just them taking care of their miracle baby ****. You can't tell a lot from snapchat, but you can tell that they're good parents. And Gunner snaps are ALWAYS adorable.

The stories usually end with a bedtime story. I don't know if Spencer is buying them from the grocery store or if he has a subscription. But he LOVES tabloid magazines. I said that his story isn't mean-spirited and I stand by that. Being said, the bedtime story is usually some light shittalking. He has OPINIONS. Why someone didn't win the who wore it best poll. That Karlie Kloss would be better dressed at award shows if she was still friends with Taylor *****. It's harmless. And the kind of stuff I would say to my friends. And that's the point. Like the other aspects of his story, it's clear he's doing it because he genuinely enjoys it. In this enjoyment, he's building and creating a community with his audience.

I'm probably crazy for liking his snapchat story as much as I do. But I'm not the only one. He's a popular snapchatter with 8 million followers. Even though snapchat is dead (RIP in peace), I'll keep going on to feed the hummers, watch Gunner play, and dance to Taylor Swift with Spencer. How else will I keep up with Leggy's condition?

 


 

*I've found that not everyone's formative years got shaped by The Hills. Here's what you need to know.

**Hey Snapchat, that would actually be a cute design. You can have that idea for free

*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHVZFhdtP_g

****I know this not from snapchat but from their podcast, Make Speidi Famous Again. I may be full on obsessed with them?

*****I'm telling you, Spencer LOVES Taylor.

 

P.S. Spencer, if you’re reading this I would love to come out and write a full-on day in the life post of my favorite snapchatter. And/or a crystal.